Real Recipe!

See, doesn't pastry look like crap?

A couple of days ago at work I actually used a recipe.  I think it was the first time.  I had to go find where we keep measuring spoons and measuring cups.  It was exhausting.  The whole measuring thing…ugh. I couldn’t do pastry.  Pastry is kinda an evil and unforgiving person.

But, it does mean I have a recipe for Pancakes that actually has correct measurements.  Don’t get used to it.  It hurts my soul to add an amount like 1/8 t to anything.

At work, I made these pancakes and then cut them into little circles and called them blinis so we could sell them as a dessert and charge more.  If you make anything foreign soundy and smaller its worth more.  Science.

So heres a recipe for nice fluffy buttery pancakes:

First, mix together 1 c Flour, sifted (I use a little mesh strainer I got at cub for $5 instead of from a kitchen store for $20), 1/8 t Salt, 1/2 T Baking Powder.

Then I mixed together the wet ingredients separately.  For this, mix together 3/4c Milk, 2 Egg Yolks, and 4T Butter, melted.

Make sure to keep your egg whites from the separated yolks.  Whip the 2 Egg Whites with 1 T Sugar until it gets to firm peaks.  This means when you pull the whip out of the mixture, the egg whites hold a little peak and don’t fall back into the bowl.

You could make this! All you need is Astronaut Mike Dexter

Last, make a crater in the mixing bowl with your dry ingredients and pour in your wet ingredients and mix em all up.  I dunno what the point of the crater thing is, its not like you’re making dough or anything and my crater died the moment I put my wet ingredients in so…JUST DO IT.  Once you got errthing mixed up, fold in the whites that you whipped up.

When you ‘fold in’ an ingredient its important not to over mix it or else you will lose the fluffiness of the whites.  I just take a spatula and fold the batter over the whites just until everything is the same color and consistency.  Its like folding a paper airplane, except not at all and more like mixing.

Last, just pour a schloop (measure that, PASTRY!) of your batter on a heated and buttered pan or griddle and pancake it dOOd.

POLL!

I’ve been reedin a book.  Yea a little surprising, but I did it!

The book is New York Cooks and it asks a bunch of chefs a couple of questions and gives their story and some recipes.

Its a pretty cool book, but the little poll they ask all their chefs is this:

__

What do you consider the most overrated ingredient?
The most underrated ingredient?
What kind of kitchen gadget is your must-have tool?
What is your favorite comfort food?

Then there are a few more…but whatevs.  So I asked Jake these questions.

Jake’s Chef Bio:

Overrated: Olive Oil
Underrated: Garlic, he says anything can be better with garlic
Gadget: dunno, but WORST is a garlic press, most worthless piece of crap
Comfort Food: Roast chiggin

Then Emma demanded to be in my blog.

Overrated: Butter (she says olive oil is better, but only uses it on her hair)
Underrated: Lime
Gadget: Chop Sticks (She gets upset when I mention anime now)
Comfort Food: Melted Cheese, wherever it decides to melt itself

I also asked me these questions:

Overrated: Green Peppers, duh, like totez obvi
Underrated: citrus, next to salt and pepper for seasonings
Gadget: My Japanese chefs knife, a sharp knife makes a world of difference
Comfort Food: Sandwich.  Probs good Reuben. Sandwiches are pretty much the best designed food thing ever.

You should answer them too. Otherwise I might just die.

Rajon Cajon

This meal was Tommy C approved

Its pronounced, Ragin Cajun.  Dunno why they spell it with ‘o’s.  Probably people who don’t go to the library.

So today I busted out ol gramma Henderson’s gumbo recipe.  She was an amazing cook but didn’t really do recipes.  More one of those ‘use the force’ kinda cooks (mmmm, Star Wars reference).  So when my cousin asked for her gumbo recipe, my gramma rattled off a list of ingredients by the pinch, handful and just about.   My cousin had to watch gramma cook it so she could measure for the damn Yankees.

We got a recipe, but it came out a bit tricky to understand (the measuring standards included colors of refrigerators and multiple uses of the same veggies).

So this is my translation of ol gramma Elsie’s wonderful gumbo:

It begins with a roux.  This can be kinda scary, cause you can mess up real quick.  Don’t do that though, unless you wanna, but I wouldn’t.

To make the roux use equal parts fat and flour. I used 1 c Melted Butter (you can use oil or a different fat here too) and added 1 c Flour to a large soup pot (you can use a skillet for easier access and transfer into a bigger pot later).  Then you gotta stir that bastard over medium heat.  Did you even see the swear I used?

Doesn't that look delicious! No, not really, it looks like one of Emma's nasty flour-water pancake things

This is the fun part.  You get to sit over a warm stove and watch as the butter and flour slowly caramelize and take on some nutty flavors and darker color.

Or… it takes a lot of stirring over a hot pan for your tan stuff to turn browner.

Whichever path you choose, you gotta get a darker roux to get a better flavor and consistency.  But you gotta keep stirring or else you will scorch your roux and it will taste like burnt.

This is kinda where you want it. You can go darker if you want. I went with lazy.

Once it gets nice n brown, take it off the heat and from here, its a pretty simple matter of dumping crap into a pot.  Southern peepz keep it real.

I stirred 3 Onions, chopped and 3 cloves of Garlic, minced into the roux.  Then I slowly added 8 cups of hot water.  You gotta do this slowly so that you don’t get a funky chunky soup.

Once you got all that stirred in and you have a nice brown soupy lookin pot, you add more veggies.

I added:
1 bag Okra, thawed over low heat in  a skillet
3 Jalapenos, seeded n chopped
3 Stalks of Celery, chopped
2 cans Diced Tomatoes
2 Bay Leaves
Crushed Black Peppercorns
Crushed Red Pepper
Cayenne

Simma down now.

I let this simmer down for a little while to let the ingredients make flavor babies together.  Mmm babies.

Once this reduces a bit, maybe 10-15 minutes, I added 2 1/2 c Chicken Stock.  Gramma used to throw bouillon cubes right into the pot.  That sounds kinda salty to me (maybe that’s why it was so good) so I used some chicken stock I had made earlier.  Any stock would work, seafood stock sounds pretty tasty.

I then added 2 lb Raw Shrimp.  More is better, but I work in a kitchen and get paid just enough to keep up with my heroin addiction (Hey Mom!).  It helps to buy shrimp with the shell on for their flavor, but then the bum who lives on your couch complains about having to peel them.

I let this simmer for about 30 minutes, then added 2 cans Crab, Salt, Pepper, a little more Crushed Red Pepper, a splash of Sherry Vinegar and some Filé.  Then you ladle the gumbo over some Cooked White Rice and nom on it. Nom.

I need a camera with a flash. Although...I bet theres an app for that!

One last thing, the ‘Trinity’ of Cajun cooking is onions, celery, and green pepper as opposed to the typical onion, celery, carrot base for a lot of french cooking.  This is one thing I disagree with in Cajun cooking.  Green peppers are a waste.  Get Jalapenos, they actually have flavor.  Cut the seeds out if you don’t want the spice.  If you don’t like jalapenos. SHAME! But then just get Red peppers, which are RIPE green peppers.  Why would you ever want to use unripened food?  Mmm, rock hard avocados… not in my house, JAKE!

Lookin Sharp

Its a long post, so heres something amusing thats vaguely related!

How are you gonna impress the ladies if you don’t have a sharp knife? That’s what my dad always said.

He didn’t really, that would be kinda creepy.  But fake dad is right.

To keep your knife sharp you can always take it to a place to get sharpened, but those guys grind away your knife and usually don’t make it as sharp as possible.  Also, its way more fun to slice n dice with a knife you sharpened.

First, you need some sort of sharpening stone.  There are a lot of different kinds.  Diamond, ceramic, oil stones, water stones, small rocks, berries, or a DUCK! Precisely.  Most of these will work to sharpen your knife.  I’ve seen videos of a guy using a cinder block and newspaper, so what stone you get doesn’t really matter.  I would suggest a water stone since they’re cheap and water is free.  I got mine at a local woodcutting store.

I have three stones.  An 800 grit, a 1200 grit and a 4000 grit.  The grit number tells you how rough the stone will be with a smaller number relating to a courser stone.  For a first stone, I would recommend a combination stone that has ~1000 grit on one side and a higher number like 4000-6000.

Combo waterstone. Like a combinations Taco Bell and Pizza Hut!

To begin soak your stones in water for 15-20 minutes so they absorb water (Obviously only for the water stones, diamond stones use peanut butter and a microwave) .  Then place the courser stone up, the 1000 or what have you, on a dish towel or something to keep it from moving.

Now you just sharpen your knife.  Thats it! See wasn’t that easy?

If you’re one of those “how’d he do ‘dats” then keep reading.

Here you want to take your knife and find the edge to sharpen.  For a Western knife like a wustof or henkels or some other colonizer knife.  You want to get about a 22 degree angle.  So get out those protractors!  Or, you can use a pile of 4 pennies and rest the back edge of your knife on them to see the angle you want.  For a Japanese knife, they’re typically sharpened at 15 degrees. So get out those protractors! (Jokes always work better the second time).  Or use a stack of three pennies.

Make sure you keep your stone wet while using it.  I think you know what to do…. Spray it with water. duh.

Then make sure your fingers are pressing where the blade touches the stone because thats where its going to sharpen.  Run the knife along the stone like you see in the video below.  He is sharpening a unique knife which you sharpen mostly on one side and place your finger farther from the edge.  You want to do both sides evenly for most knives.  I  switch hands to do the reverse side (I think we all know about the stranger, am I right!).

Also, who wanted to see him slice Martha? Not me sicko.

I usually go about 10 times per side instead of 100. Its more my style.  Then I move up to the higher grit stone and go about 5 per side.  The higher grit polishes the edge and keeps it sharp.  I would say polish one off, but that would be too many Helen Keller jokes (touchy feely).

Do it this way. Unless you're next to Jake. Then slice that hippie.

To keep your edge you should use a honing steel.  Those are the metal stick lookin things in your moms knife set that a lot of people use really fast to look cool.  It doesn’t sharpen a knife (trust me, I’ve seen cooks sit for 15 minutes using one, it was kinda funny), the steel just centers the edge of your blade so that it stays sharp longer.  To do this, run your blade from heel to tip at roughly the angle you sharpened it.  You should do this a couple times before you use your knife.  But whatevs, if you don’t then god kills a kitten.

I was always worried I would mess up my knife if I did it wrong or used the wrong angle.  But relax, don’t worry about sharpening your knife, it can always be easily fixed if you make any mistake and you’ll get better every time.  One thing you will notice is that you will start to hear when you have the right angle, which really helps.

If you’re more interested in knife sharpening these videos: 1, 2, 3 are a dude that is well known for his skillz talking about sharpening using different stones and techniques.  And no, its not me silly goose.

I almost made a lot more dick jokes.  You’re welcome.

Who Dat?

It all makes sense now.

Saints FTW!

While most people were watching the slow decline of the Sony rep and his Colts last Sunday, I got to cook up a bunch of appz at Francisco’s pad.  We decided to have a buncha small appz so we could eat throughout the game.

We started with some delicious Pico de Gallo and Guacamole that Francisco whipped up.  Then I made a bruschetta style Bahn Mi kinda dealy.

To make these I got some french bread and cut it on a slight bias (cuttin all slanty like \ or /, but more \ and not | unless the bread was all \ then you would cut it |) buttered it and toasted it in the oven.

Then I spread my Pâté from the other day on the baguette slices and topped that with some pickled carrots and radishes that Dan made recently.  The pickling juice he made tasted like mostly vinegar with some salt sugar and herbs. I shoulda asked, but it was tasty.

Then I added a pork meatball that me and Jake made by mixing together ground pork, a little stuffing mix, some Parmesan, the zest of two limes and the juice of one, a little butter and then we seasoned them with salt and pepper.  They were pretty limey (although not at all British, who only make scones) but I liked the result and was kinda looking for a lime taste to go in the Bahn Mi.  To cook the meatballs we just threw em in the oven at 425 for a few minutes until they were cooked through.

Itty Bitty Bahn Mis. Franciscos looked better. I was hungry.

Then I garnished with some cilantro and had little bite sized Bahn Mi thingies (wow, thingies doesn’t register as a typo, I guess joe knew all this time….). Dealies! (typo) Schmealies! (typo) McSchwanglehorn! (I thought for sure that would get past the Firefox spelling police.  But you know why they underlined it in red right? CHINA! COMMUNISTS!)

Anywhoodle (typo) I also made some spinach balls, which sound kinda gross and healthy.  Fortunately, they’re neither.  My mom used to make these to get me and my sister to associate green with tasty.  Nice try mom, it backfired, I now only eat salt and butter.

To make spinach balls, you need:
1 box Frozen Spinach
1 c stuffing mix
2 eggs, beaten
1/3 c butter, melted
1/2 onion, chopped
2-3 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 c Parmesan Cheese

All you do is mix everything together and season with some herbs if you have em, salt n peppa (watch the salt, the stuffing comes pretty salty), maybe some lemon juice…yea I shoulda done that.  Roll em into balls and bake at ~425 until they crisp up a little.  Super easy, tasty, and with the illusion of healthy food.  Its not exactly the recipe my mom gave me since I can’t find it, but I think its pretty close.

Last, I made a simple pizza pie.  I made the dough from this recipe.  Though I think I would add a little more olive oil.  Or my friend used peanut oil and that was pretty good.

For the sauce I copied my friend’s technique and just blended up some canned San Marzano tomatos and added a little salt.  These are really nice tomatoes from Italy that are kinda sweet already and make an excellent sauce.

Pizza nom. The burnt thumb adds drama

Then I just cut a chiffonade of basil and put that on top of the sauce, then some mozzarella, roasted red peppers and pepperoncini. I topped that all off with a little Parmesan and threw it into a 525 degree oven.  A really hot oven works best for a thin crust to get it nice and crispy.  I garnished with a little more basil once it came out too.

Overall I enjoyed the food more than the game.  Although making fun of TJ was pretty fun…yea, actually that was the best part.  But the food was good too.

Cookbooks

Check this out! I want a Wookie Cookie!

A couple people have asked me what cookbooks I like and would recommend.  Usually I think books are for total rubes, but there are some good cookbooks out there.  I try to play a healthy amount of video games to offset the reading pollution.  I’m basically Al Gore.

The books I like to keep around to show that I’m REALLY fuckin sweet are The French Laundry Cookbook and On Food and Cooking.  They’re the biggest so it looks like I’m thinking really hard when I look at their pictures.

Actually, I’ve mentioned the French Laundry Cookbook before and it truly is my favorite cookbook.  It has the story and ideology of Thomas Keller as well as some gorgeous photos and some sexxxy food (yes, three xs, its that hot).  His food is legendary for being unique without going over the top in ‘molecular gastronomy’ so that it is recognizable and comfortable, but still clever and engaging.

For example, ‘peas and carrots’ translates Kellerwise into Maine Lobster Pancakes with Pea Shoot Salad and Ginger Carrot Emulsion.

'Ceasar Salad'. Pretty sure Keller stole this from the Olive Garden

Jake goes a different route with peas and carrots.  He starts with a can that says Peas and Carrots, opens it and throws that bad boy right on the stove.  Much faster than Keller, but it can explode.

Keller does use a lot of difficult to find ingredients and many dishes need truffles or foie gras or some other ridiculous delicacy, often layered so that only rich dad can afford to cook them (suck it poor dad). But, there are a lot of great recipes that anyone can make and taste great, from things like simple blanching techniques to pasta dough.

Yes, boring now. Use it to squish a few bugs, it looks way cooler.

On Food and Cooking is not so much a cookbook per se, but more a textbook on the whys of cooking (I have to play a lot of xbox to make up for this one).  For example, it tells you how cream behaves so that you know that you should freeze ice cream as fast and as cold as possible so that smaller crystals develop and you get a smoother ice cream.

This book is more for people interested in a lot of the science and methods behind cooking.  It has a chapter for everything but reads kinda like an encyclopedia.  Its a great reference I often use to understand why I messed something up.  Also, I use it to hit my roommates when they make quninoa or other greenwagger stuff.

I love Eric Ripert’s books, On The Line and A Return to Cooking.

On The Line is kind of a cool anthropological look at life inside Ripert’s restaurant Le Bernardin.  It looks at more the people and process than the recipes, but it has some cool fish recipes as well.

AHH! PLASTIC BAG! HE HATES THE ENVIRONMENT!

A Return to Cooking is a really cool book where Ripert goes to different locations (NY, Puerto Rico, Nappa Valley and VT) and cooks during four different seasons with local produce.   He brings along a writer, a painter and a photographer who all contribute to the book.  This is a really cool book because it follows how Ripert decides to make a dish with the ingredients he finds.  Its a cool look into the methods of a great chef.  Full of recipes, but again its fancier food and not errday cookin. 

If you’re looking for a good cookbook that will give you the basics and help you make anything, NO WAY…. YEA RIGHT… who do you think you are captain knots, captain tyin knots, drinking out of cups??

If so, then I would recommend either the Joy of Cooking as the classic tome of food knowledge or more recently Bittman’s How to Cook Everything (or for those who only slaughter innocent plants).  These are both great books which have tons of recipes for everything and nicely detailed instructions.

There are many more books I like and some I don’t.  Maybe I’ll hate on things in a later post.  I’m pretty good at that.  I hate Jake. Yea, that feels right.

Pâté today.

National Pâté day is today. I invented it.  Cause it rhymes…with February 4th (look it up).

I found Chicken Livers at Seward Co-op for dirt cheap the other day.  2 bucks for a pound.  Incredible you say? No, probably not, because no one buys chicken livers.  But I do!

They look sexy too

Shiny makes food taste better

I’ve only had Pâté by itself a couple of times.  But many people who have eaten a Vietnamese sandwich called a Bahn Mi have had Pâté.  Those clever peepz put it on a sandwich and cover it with meat and veggies.  It makes the sandwich taste awesome and rich without having to sell you the idea of liver paste.

To make liver paste, err Pâté (look how good french people are at selling nasty sounding things) all you need are:

3 Cloves Garlic, thinly sliced
3 Shallots, thinly sliced
~1 lb Chicken Livers
Brandy or Cognac
1/4c Cream
Honey
Sherry Vin

I just seasoned the livers with salt and pepper and threw them in a really hot oiled pan.  Sear these bastards off for a few seconds, then add your ‘aromatics’, or garlic and shallots.  Everything can sound harder and thus, more impressive.

I wonder what my liver would taste like. Beer probably...mmm my liver....

Once these all cook through, you can light shit on fire!  I deglazed the pan with brandy (remember deglaze?) and then tilted the pan to light it on fire.  This is purely for show and doesn’t add anything, except style points.  Which are kind of a big deal.

+10 for Crispus Attucks does the Boot Scootin Boogie (Don't ask, its artcore)

After I reduced the brandy a bit, I returned the livers to the pan.  Then I added the cream, seasoned with honey, salt and pepper, and sherry vinegar. I let it all combine and then dumped it into a food processor.

Pâté. Maybe add some corn kernels for color.

Last, just puree the whole mess in a food processor and adjust the seasonings if necessary.

Toast off some bread and eat it with some pickles.  Nom.  If you wanna be sneaky, use it on a sandwich and give it to your vegetarian roommate.  Thats my plan, since she doesn’t read my blog.  She’ll learn not to ignore her friends.