Lookin Sharp

Its a long post, so heres something amusing thats vaguely related!

How are you gonna impress the ladies if you don’t have a sharp knife? That’s what my dad always said.

He didn’t really, that would be kinda creepy.  But fake dad is right.

To keep your knife sharp you can always take it to a place to get sharpened, but those guys grind away your knife and usually don’t make it as sharp as possible.  Also, its way more fun to slice n dice with a knife you sharpened.

First, you need some sort of sharpening stone.  There are a lot of different kinds.  Diamond, ceramic, oil stones, water stones, small rocks, berries, or a DUCK! Precisely.  Most of these will work to sharpen your knife.  I’ve seen videos of a guy using a cinder block and newspaper, so what stone you get doesn’t really matter.  I would suggest a water stone since they’re cheap and water is free.  I got mine at a local woodcutting store.

I have three stones.  An 800 grit, a 1200 grit and a 4000 grit.  The grit number tells you how rough the stone will be with a smaller number relating to a courser stone.  For a first stone, I would recommend a combination stone that has ~1000 grit on one side and a higher number like 4000-6000.

Combo waterstone. Like a combinations Taco Bell and Pizza Hut!

To begin soak your stones in water for 15-20 minutes so they absorb water (Obviously only for the water stones, diamond stones use peanut butter and a microwave) .  Then place the courser stone up, the 1000 or what have you, on a dish towel or something to keep it from moving.

Now you just sharpen your knife.  Thats it! See wasn’t that easy?

If you’re one of those “how’d he do ‘dats” then keep reading.

Here you want to take your knife and find the edge to sharpen.  For a Western knife like a wustof or henkels or some other colonizer knife.  You want to get about a 22 degree angle.  So get out those protractors!  Or, you can use a pile of 4 pennies and rest the back edge of your knife on them to see the angle you want.  For a Japanese knife, they’re typically sharpened at 15 degrees. So get out those protractors! (Jokes always work better the second time).  Or use a stack of three pennies.

Make sure you keep your stone wet while using it.  I think you know what to do…. Spray it with water. duh.

Then make sure your fingers are pressing where the blade touches the stone because thats where its going to sharpen.  Run the knife along the stone like you see in the video below.  He is sharpening a unique knife which you sharpen mostly on one side and place your finger farther from the edge.  You want to do both sides evenly for most knives.  I  switch hands to do the reverse side (I think we all know about the stranger, am I right!).

Also, who wanted to see him slice Martha? Not me sicko.

I usually go about 10 times per side instead of 100. Its more my style.  Then I move up to the higher grit stone and go about 5 per side.  The higher grit polishes the edge and keeps it sharp.  I would say polish one off, but that would be too many Helen Keller jokes (touchy feely).

Do it this way. Unless you're next to Jake. Then slice that hippie.

To keep your edge you should use a honing steel.  Those are the metal stick lookin things in your moms knife set that a lot of people use really fast to look cool.  It doesn’t sharpen a knife (trust me, I’ve seen cooks sit for 15 minutes using one, it was kinda funny), the steel just centers the edge of your blade so that it stays sharp longer.  To do this, run your blade from heel to tip at roughly the angle you sharpened it.  You should do this a couple times before you use your knife.  But whatevs, if you don’t then god kills a kitten.

I was always worried I would mess up my knife if I did it wrong or used the wrong angle.  But relax, don’t worry about sharpening your knife, it can always be easily fixed if you make any mistake and you’ll get better every time.  One thing you will notice is that you will start to hear when you have the right angle, which really helps.

If you’re more interested in knife sharpening these videos: 1, 2, 3 are a dude that is well known for his skillz talking about sharpening using different stones and techniques.  And no, its not me silly goose.

I almost made a lot more dick jokes.  You’re welcome.